dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
