If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
