Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
