I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
