So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
