How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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