We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
zippers are such a cool invention
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i think i just lost a toe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
