so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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