if i can run in heels then i can drive
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
