My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
