i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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