i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
