I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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