btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
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she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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