Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
