it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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