She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
