I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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