that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened