how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me