Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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