Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..