he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza