What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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