i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
