I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The best revenge is premature balding
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
