i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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