who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
