Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bring money and cleavage
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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