chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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