I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
