she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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