also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
