She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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