If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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