Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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