Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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