im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
