I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
