remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
