4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
