I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
