remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
