I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
