College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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