Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
