haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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