oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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