If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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