I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
