I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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