He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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