Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
