so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
