I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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