I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I would ride that face into the sunset
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
