he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
