i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
