I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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