Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
