OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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