I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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