This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
