I wish you could order shots online.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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