And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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