I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
