I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
