I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
