I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
