K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
