i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
