So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
