My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
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