Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
