Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
