Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
